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10th November 2014

12:59pm: Ha! how funny that my last entry was all "I won't go back to phoenix" cause i'm back in phoenix,motherfuckas!!!!
basically, i was so done with portland. I never really found my people or my place there. Mainly I was bored and cold. I like to refer to my time in portland as "my long nap"
anyway, i am back home. And so very happy to be here. I have laughed more since i came back in september than i did the whole time i was in portland.I went to miami last weekend and it was great. I marched in the parade of the arts and it was wonderful.
life is good

1st July 2014

6:48pm: this is why i can't go back to phoenix.
so it's news that an asu professor got assaulted for jaywalking, right in my old neighboorhood. GAH!! Seriously? mother fuck, i just can't go back there.
i seriously miss all of my people in az. everyone, yes even you, my friend. but the political climate is just not doable for me any more. not a week goes by or has gone for years by without a reported instance of cruelty, fraud or repression upon good upstanding citizens. FUCK....hundreds of rapes went unproscuted because of the race of the victims!The child protective system was run by embezzelrers who didn't investigate shit and stole millions of dollars.....FOR YEARS!!! CHILDERN DIED!!!!!! agggghhhggghhgghh!!!!!! And that's just the tip of the iceberg and that doesnt even cover what i've run into personally... Eight armed policemen came through the firehouse and threatened to destroy all the outside art unless it was moved from a two feet but eight feet strip of grass in 15 minutes!!!! a permit violation...altho later proven, whoops not a violation, sorrz, our bad. EIGHT OF THEM...ARMED WITH BIG GUNS...come on! Like, we're a big threat? At the same time, CHILDREN WERE DYING. fuck that just pisses me off so bad. And like at ASU, don't they have a big-ass rape problem on campus? No shit, i'm not pyschic, but i'm from tempe and it's a pretty good bet.....some dumbass preditor was leading some incapasited person across campus for some assault. but the cop's gotta check out the middle aged black chick, make sure she's not trouble. oh and she was trouble, she said 'don't speak to me like that" aggggghhhhhhhhhhetiufygkfdhgkyfdugyrugyufhdgkjcdriugr
so this is why i can't go back. i miss everyone and i miss the weather but i cannot live with the oppression and the rage. just writing this has been traumatizing.
i'm gonna watch the final season of gossip girl now, as an antidote

1st June 2013

12:03am: today at work, one of the gals played this old song i can't remember the title but one of the lyrics was 'we won't make it home but i really don't care' and it brought back this really bad memory of this time when my kid was in kindergarden or maybe first or second grade when this dad of a classmate of her offered me a ride home after some classroom event and that song was playing in the car and he totally hit on me. and we were both married and it was like ugh! ew! and then for like ten or twelve years after i kept seeing him because our kids went to school together and every time i saw him all i could think was 'you cheat on your wife."

21st January 2013

2:58am: okay. so the thing is this is just how it is for now. yes, i am underacheiving. but i am learning things, things about the bigger world. and i'm learning about how to run my business, when i have it. and i'm working towards real dreams, not ones vague or formed on the fly for survival. And i am learning not to be so naive. i'm learning to use my mind for the things i believe in.
and also, i find in my reading lots of smart people go thru a time of quietness,right before they knock it out of the park.
anyway, blahblahblah, i just keep getting better and better.

21st June 2011

9:21am: lalala
well! took me a bit to get into my journal, my email was old. anyway.
went to the naked bike ride on sat night. no, i didn't get naked or ride a bike. but it was totally fun nevertheless. after we went to brinx to see leslie and the lies and also to dance and have fun. here's who went: tonya chad sandy bruce mandy erik and jeff. some of these people are mentioned way back in this journal from when i visited portland before. if i had the time and will i would go look those entries but, but i have neither today. also i must go have a smoke before my shift starts. the more things change the more they stay the same, eh?
um, also thea is coming to visit! yea i am so happy . she will be staying with me for ten days! so that's very cool.
text messaging has further ruined my spelling puncuation and grammer, i've noticed. hmm.
also, gmo's are bad and scary, yaeh
9:16am: dang my computer is taking forever today. I'm at the library using mu compy and thier internet. exciting no? Let's see. julian is at work today and i am off. I only work three days a week, sunday mon and tues. the rest of the time i work on my ..blah blah blah..gmo project. i read papers alot. also i have been reading alot on random topics. really life is boring and quiet right now.
ummmmmm, a little about jule? sure, why not. Umm, he is totally hot and funny and really into godzilla. also a good kisser.
okay gmo today!

one of the arguments that have held back debate is that "genetic engineering has been going on for a long time, since the time of mendel and so is not a new scary ting but an old time tested process." And it's true that crossbreeding has been used for many many years toget new traits into plants. and i guess that could fall under the very wide umbrella that is 'genetic enginerring' But cross breeding is very different from genetic modifaction. Cross breeding allows plants to choose from genes that are naturally in the plant genetics. A gmo gene is clipped together from several different bacterial genomes, and does not exist naturally as a gene in any genome. It is entirely constructed. No plant would or could choose it on it's own. A GMo gene is forced into the genome using bacterial retroviruses, the plant does not pick it up through natural recombination as it would during crossbreeding. Although crossbreeding and genetic modifation can both be called genetic engineering, they are not the same thing and the safety of GMO plants cannot be evaluated by comparing them to the safety of crossbreed plants.
also, i'm making lasagna for dinner and going out to see leslie hall with tonya and chad tomorrow.
k, bye

14th June 2011

9:18am: well lets see.
ok. so. this is helping. I feel like i am really starting to get the final step going. Sort of like the beging of the finish of this stage. anyway. i guess i will try to describe what my overall plan is.
ok. It is said that those who question GMO's are acting from irrational concern and lack of scientific understanding. well, i believe that people who question gmo's are using rational thinking when they question gmo's. Our own experiences and observations, as well as repeated demonstrations of the scientific method show us that change rarely occurs independently.

holy cats that's pretty wordy and not good.

mainly, pretty much we all know that if you change one thing within a system, it causes other changes in that system. The standpoint of the pro-GMO crowd is that if you change one thing ( a gene) in a system( a plant) it will have only a single beneficial effect and cause no other changes in the main system (plants) and other systems the main system effects ( like the food cycle to humans animals and bacteria)

or maybe like this.

they think you can change one thing in a plant and it will only do the one good thing they tell it to and have no other effect on the plant or the things that eat the plants.

but rationally we know that even small changes can have an effect on plants and the food cycle. And adding a gene is not a small effect. It's a big deal. It took a lot of science to work it out, but that science is old...fifteen years since that first GMO went on the market. We know alot more about the effects of genes and gene changes. Except on GMO's. The assumption is still that it will be fine. and there's no studies to back that up. Just the word of assurance that
all is well.

anyway, here is some of the statements that monsanto has out and i'll write more about it later


in other news hi.

12th June 2011

4:09pm: okay okay
So, i skipped a couple of days. But what ever, back on the horse. Anyway, lets see, just finished my shift, now to do thid then head home. umm. I went to the rose festival with tonya and her family yesterday. It was pretty cool, i do so love a parade. It reminded me of making the phoenix. um. julian had to work. um. is ten minutes up yet? that's my minimum. T\this weekend was also the geek olympics here in town, but i didn't enter. Just not inot it. Actually jule and i dom't do much these days. It is a very relaxing time in my life, but i feel like it's time to start up again. ach.
oh god i'm boring myself.

So, writing writing. Okay well i am going to structure my lecture around the three points, but it's also going to be connected to three parts of a hybrid gmo gene. Also i want to do a section on monsanto and faith vs science. Bacisally i want to say that monsanto asks that we have faith in thier product raher than presenting us with hard facts. I am planning on using a clip from the dr oz show where thier spokesperson give the offical statement for monsanto saying they don't see any need for research. The spokesperson then 'presents proof' of the saftey of gmo's by saying she feeds it to her family, so it's fine. So the thing is where are the facts? If they are justing presenting this one family as proof we should use thier product, then where are the facts about the family? How old are the childern? how much GMO food do they eat? Have they had any health issuses, specifficallly digestive problems? These are the things that would have to be reported in a scientific study. What she's presenting are not facts proven by the scientific method. We are just supposed to have faith that monsanto knows what the effects of thier products are without testing or scientific proof. and that is adking people to have faith in them. But faith is for religion. facts are for science. Therefore, let's find out the facts. And i'm not suggesting that we insist that monsanto provide them. They already said in thier offical statement that they're not going to do any research. And oh lord am i so over protesting. I serouisly doubt that standing in front of the monsanto plant with a bullhorn and a picket sign is going to change thier minds. We must take GMO research into our own hands.
also pts 2&3

oksay that was totally ten mins!

9th June 2011

1:52pm: here i go again
Okay so, today i am at the public library right down the street from my house. Apartment, actually that Julian and i share. Aw, julian. oh my goodenss, what a guy. well, the story with jule and i goes way back, actually we've been friends since we were seventeen. He was one of my on-call rides to go to the hospital when thea was born! Anyway, 'bout a year and a half ago, we started kissin one night and that's that. I just adore him to pieces.
Anyway, so i'm at the library, which is a two minute walk from my house. Also in my neighborhood, sellwood in the SE, are many good resturants, lots of antique stores, food carts, yoga studios,toy stores, bakerys, a store that sells only socks, salons, bookstores and a natural foods store. This is all within a two minute stroll from my house. So very nice to have so much accesible stuff. And did i mention the bus system..LUX!
hopefully this link will let you look around.

View Larger Map

But linking to things is not what i need to be doing! I am working on my writing. The thing is i need to learn to sit down and write again because i have a total writers block and i need to get going on my GMO project. I am writing a lecture/paper that is sort of like a primer on gmo's. I think that the debate over gmo's has stalled due to a lack of education about the science of gmo's. My goal is to break the science down into understandable segments, in order toeducated people about some of the issuses that haven't really been adressed.
Here are my main three points. Man this is coming out pretty inchoherent but oh well, onward.

1) Incorporation of round-up into the cells of the plant.
When you spray a non-genetically modified plant with roundup, the plant dies and never enters the food cycle. When a GMO plant is grown with roundup, the plant draws the roundup into it's system through the roots, where it is delivered and stored in the plant.GMO soy and corn have roundup built right into the plant that cannot be washed off or removed before eating. 85% of our corn and soy contain an average of 2.3 mg/kg of roundup.
The contiuned use of round-up is based on a safety assement and risk evaulation published in 2000, only four years after the introduction of GMO's. The models it uses for evaluation are based on studies involving accidental expousure (for example, if a baby had eaten it or the risk to farmers using it). The study is not adequate to properly predict health affects on people injesting it daily for many years and needs to be re-evaulated.

wow, okay this is not too bad.

Okay second point:
Metabolic load of GMO gene leads to reduced or altered nutrional value of food.
The GMO gene adds a metabolic load to every cell of the plant and overrides the plants natural regulation.
The GMO gene is constantly on. The cell has to use it's resousces to run that gene, drawing away from it's needs, which affects the output

okay, that was weak, but i've got to hurry my time is running out.

Third point: Gene Spills... The gene showing up in places where it shouldn't be.

Such as in digestive track bacteria.

That's super bad and i'll go into ti tomorrow cause i gotta go now. It's a beautiful day!

7th June 2011

9:26am: well hello you
okay so i'm back. I am trying to get over a bad case of writer's block, because it is totally holding me up. So anyway, hi, hi and all hi

so, let's see, the past few years have been an adventure and journey i don't feel like getting inot right now. Actually i only have a small window to write in as i am at work waiting to start my shift. but first things first.
Thea is all grown up, suprise! She just completed her freshman year at college with a 3.8 which is nice and she's been accepted into the business program she applied for..nice. She's getting a major in music business and minoring in library sciences, which goess well with her parttime job at the public library. SO! She's all raised up. wow.
I moved out of AZ last summer.I just got so sick of all the drama and the politics. ugh. Now, i live in..wait for it...portland. I work parttime while researdching for a book and project on. GMO's. that's the writing i was mentioning earlier.
I live here with my awesome boyfreind julian, who is just totally awesome and whom i love very much.
i was going to actaully use spellcheck and edit my posts before i posted them, but now im thinking not so much. gotta go.

17th February 2009

2:33pm: so fucking furious at being forced from my HOME. at burningman i learned to cry freely and i have been using that skill a lot. goddammit! can i just rant for a moment? my fucking landlord was an ass who took on three apt complexes and over 1.5 million in debt and RAN THEM INTO THE FUCKING GROUND within three years.what the HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL. what the fucking hell? whywhywhywhywhy did any bank ever give that guy money or responsiblilty over people's lives. He was just an asshole who thought he was gonna make a quick buck, get a free lunch all that. now at least nine people that i know of have to move. now the buildings are going to stand untended and rotting. Now i have to move from my beautiful little home, which should be filled with squatters by next week. i am just so mad.
i move tomorrow. i am so sad.

28th January 2009

12:52pm: well, hello!

okay so alot has gone down. that job i took right before burningman..quit it. i didn't like it. so there. am on the verge of signing on for five years to a new project....five years is a long time yes. but. In This Economy. also i could use the signing bonus to pay off my student loans for once and all. So. Until all the paperwork goes thru, i am living off my retirement from AZ state. which is a nice break especially becasue it gives me time to deal with:
The Foreclosure. My landlord blew it. So i have to be out by feb 20th. which is sad but eh. so much packing, am moving to downtown phx. goodbye tempe. love you but i'm not in love with you anymore. you've changed and so have i.
The Long-Distance Relationship. not that tuscon is very far, but. gah, he's hot.and smart. and also yeaterday my tub was backed up and he unclogged it. not a metaphor. i like it when guys are handy. dang he's fine. he said to me "i'm glad we met. we are going to propell each other to great heights." like,golly! did i mentin how fine he is? ass like a perfect peach and such sexy eyes. an engineer and musician. we read poetry over the phone to each other "sometimes the sky is too bright, or there are too many clouds or birds." dylan thomas is his favorite poet. he has a favorite poet. he goes home today. 48 hours is a long time, but not long enough.
well, i guess mainly that's that.

6th December 2008

8:08pm: oh hey hi. hi and all.

oh gosh, i dunno, a lot of stuff. jammie jam was cool. also tons of other stuff. like decompression in flagstaff, a cool hallooween at the lost leaf. lots of community commitment, like cleaning the firehouse stuff and stuff. anyway, right now i'm in portland visiting tonya. which is why i'm making an entry. i stopped posting cause i felt i needed to get away from my own scrutiny..a burning man revelation..but it's nice to have a record of my trip. so:
oh wait, first i have had valley fever since the begining of novemeber. too much exposure of desert soils. Been pretty sick, dropped my weight into the 1-teens, no good.
weds before thanskgiving: left for portland with vera...t's mom at 4:00 am. Made it to salt lake. thursday..thanskgivning: vera visited with her sick brother in salt lake, I stayed behind in the motel watching 'bad girls club' ...was a great day, actually.
friday..onto oregon..lots of mormon and family history finally to t's at six pm
saturday: hanging at t's helping with holiday organization, visit with kathy, visit with chad
sunday: ummm, golly i forget, more organization...umm visit with chad and went to scraps
monday: open mic at bar XV, met up with nitya, saw beacon met nice portlander
tuesday: field trip to the mormon cannery. was totally odd and neato. Canned some dried apples. they will last for thirty years!!!\
weds: TV with chad. Made rag rugs with mandy.
thursday: organization and rest
friday: my birthday! went to escadada to see nat. met her man and brother in law. bought a ton of books. Wentto dinner with t and the family to spagetti co. then barhopping with chad and t. XV and barretti (?) then to silverado for strippers..nice! one of them thanked me afterwards..dunno why, i didn't tip him that great. funny.
tonight: english beat is playing and micheal t chad and i are going to see them
sunday: crafternoon with mandy sandy kathy and chad
monday 4:00 am...vera and i leave for home.
home by weds, prolly.
kay, that's all

4th September 2008

7:51pm: ahhh, what can i say? burning man was super good, the new job is super good, I am super good, but i have no compy time so gotta go.

22nd August 2008

11:30am: the job is over!!!!!!
Onto burning man!!!!!!!

love ya'll see you in a couple of weeks!

21st August 2008

11:03am: well, hell, guess i'll do posties.

so very lowkey here at work. still no contact with the bosses, except for PI2 on tuesday. He called to tell me to open some lines of credit and buy some stuff. i was like "NO, i can't open credit, I AM LEAVING IN THREE DAYS!" duh! plus, this was something that should have been taken care of ummmm, NOT three days before classes start. They are totally unprepared for the new semester, and i just don't care! well, i do feel a little bad for the students, but there is nothing i could do about that even when i was working my ass off.

anyway, onto burningman!!! in less than 60 hours, i will be on the road,yea! i have been shopping several times this week and i think i have most of my stuff. I went grocery shopping at midnight on tues with the gang, it was pretty fun. I still need to buy a headlamp and a camelpak for water. but i kinda don't want a camelpak because they just don't seem clean to me. so, hmmm. i dunno yet.
hangin out with thea tonight. she is taking care of the little dog while i am gone. so that's a good girl. she is doing good in her new job. but i do miss her alot.
my co-workers are buying me lunch today. yea. they are nice.actually many other people have come in to say goodbye and wish me well. so my work was recognized and likes. that's awesome.
mmmmm, i'm hungry. snackies!

18th August 2008

2:40pm: aggghhhhhhhhh
time is dragging.

haven't spoken a word to either of my bosses since i put in my notice last tuesday.

the lab walls are closing in on me!!!
guess i'll go huff the methonal.
9:56am: hmmph...one hour down, thirty nine left to go. i am the serial killer of time.

well, last week i took my personal days on thurs and friday since i can't take them with me. so that was nice, but today my lab is a box which i am trapped in. umm, i'm gonna open the window blinds. okay that helped a little.
well, ya know , just waiting. um, friday at the firehouse was pretty super good. homage to KP and paul was awesome, then the performance art was also damn cool. up in miami micjeal has been showing alot of performance art on video, so i was prepared and just loved it.
on sat to miami with micheal and ken. got the place ready for the jamie jam since i won't have much time after i get back from burning man.
got really pissed at a person who i had been trying to build a freindship with. she has lots of issues but i am pretty nonjudgemental about most of it. well, on friday she was supposed to give me a ride to firehouse, but was very late. then when she called she said "oh yeah, i'll all over the place becuase i just did three lines of meth. only don't tell my boyfriend" (who is also a frind of mine) ugh! meth? ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. PLUS, MAINLY...do NOT ask me to lie about your drug use to your loved ones! horrible,horrible. well, her actions have already had consequences for her, which is like DUH, people don't like meth or being around someone who is on it!! let's see 18 hr car ride with a speed freak? yeah, NO! anyway it just really pissed me off and we won't be friends. i mean COME ON.
anyway yesterday i did a bunch of laundry and will be all ready to leave for buring man on saturday.
O, Time, I Implore You, Pass Quickly, Please!!

13th August 2008

10:44am: aw lawdy

so bored. on lockdown...campus is testing emergency system that failed spectacularly during the sniper scares of last year.Oh! how funny, as i was typing this the all clear came over. it says "please resume all normal activities."
ummm, okay. done and done.
anyway, i am super bored, just waiting for this chapter of my life to be over. PI2 is back in town and was happy to hear about my resignation. yeah, well, i'm happy too. i had thought that the PI's might try to overwork me in my last days, but instead it seems like every one is happy to leave each other alone. whoohoo, except i am bored.
yeah, there's no midlle ground for me, seems like. either things are high energy or boredom.
anyway, counting the days, the hours the minutes. I have been here today since the dawn of time, and yet it's not even 11 yet.ugh.
also just found out i don't get paid till friday this week, i thought it was thursday. sucky but not a big deal, i just wanted to start my shopping on thurs. have to get an air mattress and foam pad so's i can have a comfy bed. I have a matress i could use but it's not especially comfy, and i need comfy. umm, what else? oh, i need lanterns and heat packs. also a couple of hats and stuff like that.
still not even 11 yet.
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, bored.

12th August 2008

1:54pm: IT IS DONE!

so, the rest of this day and seven more...about sixty four hours...ticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktick

twelve days til burning man.

dinner with thea tonight.


11th August 2008

1:32pm: big thanks to everyone on the congrats about the new job! i am sooo excited!!!!
altho just found out that i'm only getting part of my pay for burning man, some of it was vacation pay (which i keep) but like 12 hours were going to be personal time, which i don't get paid for. also no labor day pay. but i don't care!!
i put in my notice with HR today, but it didn't go thru yet becasue all three of the bosses..any of whom could sign...are MIA. I was supposed to meet with PI2 today so we could go over what i did while he was gone and i was gonna present him with my letter then, but he never showed. word around here is that he's planning to stay on vacation till next week....he never intended to make our meeting...okay that's one of the reasons it's so easy to walk away. oh well karma's gonna get him since he'll only have a week with me to wrap things up before i go. Also, he gets to learn by email ON HIS VACATION that i am quitting. this makes me happy. anyway, the big boss is also not around today, if she doesn't show tomorrow i will have to go to the dean or something to get it all okay'ed. whatever.
it was a good weekend. olympics on friday, miami on sat home on sun...just chill. really nice.
also formally accepted the new job. yea! five dollars an hour more?yes please!

6th August 2008

1:54pm: holy cats...i gots me a new job!!!!
a job that rocks!!!!
more money, less work, free tution for ASU, a boss that has his shit together!!!!
wow, so out of the blue. awesome!!!
so, two more weeks at the suck ass job (as i will now refer to it as) then burning man, then the new job starts!
i have meeting with PI2 on monday and i know he's planning on some asshole shit. It will be so nice to say "suck it bitch!" well, maybe i will be nicer. MAYBE NOT!!!!
also, i got the day off at the suckass job today because of a water main break. rockin!!!!!

5th August 2008

11:36am: suddenly i have a job interview tomorrow! actaully it is more like a job negotation meeting, the job is mine if i want it.
my hair is blue! well, some of it.
the job is similar to the one i have now, which...hmm..i really want to get out of education. But, they have a flow-cytometer. which is dang cool. but no microarray set-up. which is my true love.
plus still waiting to hear on the microarray job, but not expecting to know anything about it for another month at least.
this offer is from the people i worked with at the teacher seminars. they want me. they want me BAD. and they need me by aug15. holy cats.
my hair is blue! all of my good pants are dirty! tonight will be a wash-a-thon.
just $5 more an hour and i'll be all thiers.

4th August 2008

10:50am: dang, so much to say so little time. I am reading friends posts so i am caught up on ya'll but i guess it's time to catch up.
anyway, last week was total work, my bosses are gone and my projects are rocking..it's really good. i actually really LIKE to work when i am not constanly stressed. so everything is going well.
anyway, last weekend i went to miami and decided to throw a party...the miami jammie jam. it is the second weekend in sept. So i designed a flyer and took it to first friday and invited a bunch of people..it's gonna be cool. The over to mario's for dinner, rode with matt. then YIPPIEE! found out the buring man trip is back on! yea! so I am going and i am sooo pleased. lots to do to get it planned but whatver, it's still three weeks away and i can deal with that. Then matt's party on sat. List: matt frip jill deon, amanda, genivieve, paul, mecca phil, jack, ernesto anna kp, mike.
and i gota go.

30th July 2008

3:35pm: holy cats super busy
right now matt is filming a commerical in my lab. so i have a minute.
um, okay, went to firehouse friday, wait, gotta go back

very good week in the lab last week, got some shit done, finally. then friday firehouse, then dinner at eric's with chris and tood, then back to firehouse for cleo's b-day.
then miami for the weekend,
then, dang i have to go. super busy.super.
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